How To Be Alone

Reply to Tamilians who are convinced of their superior origins

I have left the 'nest' when I walked into university studying towards my degree. Having studied in Kharagpur, where you have students from all the country, I had a rich experience interacting with people from varied cultural, regional backgrounds. Within no time, the regional bias which makes people stick with their own clan is wiped off my head. Soon, it didn't bother if someone is from my place/city/state. That was an irrelevant detail. I started appreciating fine things of every culture I can lay my hands on. For example, I no longer had longing for the food I grew up with; I have started enjoying good food, which ever part of the country it is from. In short, I have become a citizen of nation.

Once I am out of my university, I was in for a rude shock. The world outside and around me is an exact opposite of the personality traits I grew into. People are casteist, sectarian,regionalist, petty and leading compartmentalized lives with a tunnel vision. In particular, I must say Tamilians and Malayalees are the most exclusivist. This time around, its about the former group of people. Moving to Singapore has given me another view of how Tamils feel about themselves and how others are treating them and how they think they ought to be treated as. In short, here are my observations

1. Tamilians form a closed, inward looking group who feel they are privileged for just being a Tamilian. Somehow they are special with their unique language, culture.
2. Others ought to recognize their cultural superiority without actually doing anything that can be reckoned as superior.
3. When they are not recognized for their superiority, which they haven't yet proved, they bellyache, whine  ,cry out loud and piss off people around them. Well, on this count, I might concede the superiority plank to Jews, who as an ethnic group have demonstrated it to the world, unequivocally.

Today, something happened that rubbed me at the wrong end. It was a mail from someone with an 'attitude' and I intend to give a response to the community, without making any personal references. Here you go:

Speaking about culture and racial origins, one must know about from where did we all come about. Check this out. There is also an instructive documentary on human migrations from out of Africa by National Geographic:

ANYONE who is residing out of Africa has descended from one family of gene. The results are  corroborated by  mitochondrial DNA studies.And this include Tamilians as well. So, for the last time, remind yourself you are just ALL the rest of us - Asians, Americans, Europeans, Australians, Polynesians and aborigines of Andamans. Tamils DON'T in anyway form a new species; their culture, language and everything about them has common foundations as the rest of the population no matter how much do they bellyache about their uniqueness.

Here are few points I would like to mention:

1. 'Racial Purity' and preserving it - it sounds extremely offensive. Europe has experimented with during the time of WW II (every heard of Hitler and his idea of Eugenics? Get a history lesson dude!) and they have come to their senses.
2. And btw, by preserving racial purity do you mean that the society must continue to remain as fragmented as it is today? So there must not be intermarriages ? 
3. Mother tongue that you have learnt was NOT the same language a thousand years ago. It changed. It was influenced by foreign languages and influenced other languages. And no matter how much you like to keep it in some abstract pure state, it will change.  There has never been one 'pure' language. Language is always meant to meet the needs to human communication and it evolves constantly to meet them. Btw, sage agastya is a 'mythological' character; no evidence that he existed exists.
4. As with the language, our culture, traditions (implied is Tamil culture, Tradition) has always in flux since our species has begun their migration out of Africa. They have been changing and will change. You can choose to be a part of that change but not stop it. The maximum you can do is to create a snapshot of the state of the culture and preserve it in a museum.
5. Globalization has started around 80,000 years ago when our species set off on a journey out of Africa. Be a part of it or be left behind. You cannot stop it.

Hot and Sensuous

My wife thinks I'm gay? (huge misunderstanding)?

This is a Yahoo Answers question posted some time ago and is super hilarious. Unfortunately their guidelines force them to delete the gem of a post. As a tribute to the poster, I would like to preserve it here. The original post is available here 

And here is the post itself:

While posting on an "adult" message board for erotic film enthusiasts I brought up how turned on I used to be as a kid about the prospect of seeing naked women in playboys and films like Porky's and how watching porn today can be a joyless almost numbing experience.

We all agreed that the most fun we ever had watching porn was during sleepovers at friends, one of our friends would bring out the tape and we'd see the hot chick on the box cover covering herself with a pillow and I'd have to stamp my feet as fast as I could on the carpet and chew on my t-shirt to keep from screaming for joy. The first time the woman would get naked we all couldn't believe it and we'd pause the movie and we'd have to cover our boners with our pillows and then go use the bathroom so we could jerk off.

Looking back on those sleepovers I don't think I've ever been happier in my entire life, and it has been impossible to recapture that sense of naive joy and erotic wonder, even my first time having sex with a woman was a letdown by comparison.

We all agreed this was true and I came up with the idea of holding "sleepovers" and pretending we're 11 years old again, and several posters who lived in my area agreed this was a great idea.

A few dozen posts later we were able to work out some ground rules. One big rule is that we all had to be at least 18 years old (most of us are 35 and older). Each member has to try to hold at least on gathering every 3 months (there are 12 of us) and we have to stay in character at ALL times so as to not break the spell. (kind of like live action role playing)

The host of the party has to provide the material, usually old playboy tapes, Penthouse Magazines, and hardcore porn (must be from 1992 or before, preferably 80's "golden age" porn.

We all have to wear pajamas and bring chips and pop. We tend to play old nintendo games for an hour till the hosts "parents" go to bed then the host goes "look what I got guys!" then takes out the porn and we all jump around and high five and then wait with giddy expectation. During the movie we turn to each other and grin and talk about how horny we are and comment on the "action". Like if a woman with huge breasts disrobes for a shower we have to pause the movie and go "whoaaaaa!" "I'd like to suck on those" "Imagine if you touched her boobs with your penis!" "I heard that girls will put their mouth on your penis and lick it!" etc. There used to be a no masturbation rule but that was quickly nixed, the whole purpose of the gatherings is to feed of each others erotic energy the pent up erotic energy is too much to resist, we tend to whip down out pajamas at the same time and masturbate. We try to keep a silly naive quality though and jokingly point at each others members and try to shout out different things about their penises. "That sure beats Super Mario Bros.!" is my ejaculation catchphrase.

Since starting these gatherings I have never felt more alive and my sex life with my wife couldn't be better, that is until one gathering where she caught an early flight home for the purpose of "surprising" me and ended up walking in on a dozen men masturbating in her living room. I will never forget the shocked look on her face and she immediately left and stayed at her sisters house.

I managed to talk to her and explain what she witnessed but she isn't really buying my story, she keeps going on about how I am having "gay sex orgies" behind her back (we never touch each other!) and that I am living a lie. She has even started to indicate that she wants a divorce!

Is there anyway I can get her to understand what I have been doing? I love my wife and ironically have never been more attracted to her than I am now, I realize I had been somewhat childish and now realize that I have a gorgeous voluptuous woman that my 11 year old self would have sold his Super Nintendo and Bike just to be able to touch her naked breasts and I could loser her. Please help me get her back!

Through the lens: Marriage and Love

There is nothing inherent about love. Every love is an acquired taste. Marriage is instituted to pinpoint what to love and then love what you got. By definition, freedom is a rebellion against institution and marriage is just what it isn't. Mating rights, over which dogs fight, somehow needed to be given to us humans, without that fight. An absurdly equitable distribution of such rights that has no parallel in animal kingdom, is somehow seen as an virtue in itself. Cultures that don't subscribe to this phenomenon are necessarily primitive, obtuse, tribal, backward, oppressive, lacking in women's rights and by extension, human rights. Read that as Arabs. These days all rights belong to women and any violation of any them are violation of human rights. Rights are entirely the fault of our species only, even when they are argued on behalf of beasts, or Animal Rights. Darwin has settled the issue of rights, aka the theory of who gets what and how much, by putting forward the idea of process of natural selection in nature.

For women, marriage is a piece of fiction that they have read it in their teens,refused to forget it, and dream to catch the drama in it's all action someday when the stage would be set. The rest of the days are spent in waiting eagerly for that one someday. Nothing explains their flaunting the marriage dates as trophies to be showcased, before the event and after too.It's more likely they love with the idea of marriage than the living of marriage itself. Of course in reality the former leads to the later and after which they anyway are condemned to love the disaster they embraced so willingly.

Today's good reddit comments

From the post "Is it OK for a person to want to stay single? Do we really need to be in relationships and marriage?", here are some collected gems

Comment  1: http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/9gqhn/is_it_ok_for_a_person_to_want_to_stay_single_do/c0cpuew

Relationships aren't a magic balm. Some aspects will make you happier, some aspects will make you unhappier. Life is just annoying like that; the grass always looks a little greener on the other side, and no matter where you're at, you're bound to be a little discontented. Consider a little discontent (instead of major discontent) to be perfect, because after the newness of something wears off, there's always a little discontent.

It sounds like you feel only a little discontent being single (worried you're lying to yourself, some social pressure), therefore, it's good. If you had a relationship, once it stopped being new, you'd probably be vaguely eyeing getting out of it or trading up, or getting married (still, married usually happens when things are kind of new; once you're past new, you kind of realize it's a bad idea. Once you've gone 2 years without getting married, I bet the chances of it ever happening go way down; too late, you came to your senses), or dealing with some issue or another. It's always something; your discontent is at a good level!

Comment 2: This is something I can relate to and the link is here

I couldn't find a place in the discussion that this fit, so I'm just going to dump a wall of text here. I hope it helps.I haven't had a relationship in five years or so. I'm much happier for it. If you're happier single, stay single.As to why I've decided to stay single, here is a stream of consciousness list.

1. I have no desire to have children. My sister and my parents tell me that I'm very good with my two nieces, but I find it exhausting. I don't think I could be a good father and be happy at the same time. I really wouldn't want my kids to grow up and figure out that I was basically unhappy for their sake during their upbringing.
2. I find that there is very little reciprocity in the single world. I feel like both people in a relationship should be bringing equal value to the relationship, and I don't see that happening with women in my age group. I'm not saying that people need to be exactly the same, or even have similar interests, but should both bring things to the relationship that the other partner wants. I don't want this to come off as me being the "I have to be at the gym in 26 minutes" guy, but I'm reasonably intelligent, somewhat educated, fairly fit, and somewhere between handsome and chud on the attractiveness scale. I have a career and don't have money issues. I can't find a female that is three of the six things I just listed. And when I've lowered my standards, so to speak, I just end up resenting the girl later in the relationship.
3. I came to a conclusion in the internal debate between loneliness and misery. I could either be happy most of the time while single and be occasionally lonely or I could be unhappy most of the time in a relationship and not be lonely. The occasional loneliness was easier to deal with. I can always have a fling if I really need the companionship, but it is very hard to find happy when I am in a bad relationship.
4. My concept of time spent with my partner in a relationship is apparently much different than what most women I've dealt with seem to expect. My idea of time spent together is having dinner, hanging out for an hour or so and then meeting up to maybe have sex and then go to sleep during the week. On weekends, maybe we would do something fun together one day and spend the other doing our own thing. Maybe I attract co-dependent women, but whenever I'm in a relationship I feel like I get very little time for myself. My brain doesn't work without me time.

I hope I didn't come off as a giant prick when writing this. It wasn't my intention. I also hope it helps. If you have any questions about my perpetual single state, please ask.

Comment 3 : I love this:

Philip Larkin - This Be The Verse

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
  They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
  And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
  By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
  And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
  It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
  And don't have any kids yourself.

Living Life Single, for Men

Though I am officially married, we no longer stay together. Things simply didn't work out. That would be a completely different post though. I confess that I am totally hooked to reddit , specially by spending lot of time reading opinions and view points of intelligent people. Here is one of the comments on a discussion topic "Is it OK for a person to want to stay single? Do we really need to be in relationships and marriage?", which I can immediately identify with.

Over five years ago, while rebounding from a marriage gone wrong, I got into a relationship with somebody who was in the same boat. I almost went from married one day to in a relationship the next. Now, the usual advice is that such relationships don't work out, but so far this one appears to be that perfect match. We get along just fine. We don't have everything in common, but enjoy doing a lot together so there's always plenty to do. We've lived together for about four years now and now own a house together. We never fight, life is peaceful, the sex is awesome, the cat is happy, it's all grand, right?

Honestly... I'm not sure. I've always had this feeling that I'd rather be alone. I daydream about it constantly. I like being by myself, but in a relationship you're expected to spend all of your time with that other person. She's the type that wants to be together constantly, making it even more difficult. I really have very little "me" time. I want time to play my guitar... I want to perfect my programming skills and play with new programming languages and technologies... I want to ride my bike everywhere and cast off the social norms... I want to listen to the music that I enjoy when I want it... I want to be more energy conscious... I want to simplify my life and cut back to the bare necessities and a few simple luxuries (my guitar, my laptop, my bicycles, and lots of free time)... you can't do those things in a relationship if the other person doesn't feel the same way.

I don't know why I always go right into relationships... I like girls too much and always get caught up in the whirlwind until I'm in so deep that there's no way out without hurting them. I hear her talking on the phone to her family... I only know the language via osmosis, but I can understand a lot of what she's saying, and I get glowing reviews... statements like "I never knew I could be so happy", "He's so nice, so perfect, so..." How could I ever ruin that?

Worse, the issue of marriage is coming up... I try to avoid it, but that was hurting her. We had a long talk about it and I try to say that I don't want to do that because it has religious connotations, etc but she suspects that I don't want to do it, and she's right. I'm content to continue on as is, but even though we're essentially just as tied together as if we were married I feel like that'd just be a bigger trap. I'm afraid that I'd feel even more trapped internally and that would drive me away completely... I say that staying together when there's no contract to bind us is more meaningful than if we had some external force holding us together, but she turns that around to say that I'm saying that it's easier to leave this way if I ever feel like it. Truth is, I feel like I'm more inclined to stay as it is now...

Phew... I guess that's a long way to say "stay single if that's what makes you happy." :-) I'm jealous of your situation!

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