From the post "Is it OK for a person to want to stay single? Do we really need to be in relationships and marriage?", here are some collected gems
Relationships aren't a magic balm. Some aspects will make you happier, some aspects will make you unhappier. Life is just annoying like that; the grass always looks a little greener on the other side, and no matter where you're at, you're bound to be a little discontented. Consider a little discontent (instead of major discontent) to be perfect, because after the newness of something wears off, there's always a little discontent.
It sounds like you feel only a little discontent being single (worried you're lying to yourself, some social pressure), therefore, it's good. If you had a relationship, once it stopped being new, you'd probably be vaguely eyeing getting out of it or trading up, or getting married (still, married usually happens when things are kind of new; once you're past new, you kind of realize it's a bad idea. Once you've gone 2 years without getting married, I bet the chances of it ever happening go way down; too late, you came to your senses), or dealing with some issue or another. It's always something; your discontent is at a good level!
Comment 2: This is something I can relate to and the link is here
I couldn't find a place in the discussion that this fit, so I'm just going to dump a wall of text here. I hope it helps.I haven't had a relationship in five years or so. I'm much happier for it. If you're happier single, stay single.As to why I've decided to stay single, here is a stream of consciousness list.
- I have no desire to have children. My sister and my parents tell me that I'm very good with my two nieces, but I find it exhausting. I don't think I could be a good father and be happy at the same time. I really wouldn't want my kids to grow up and figure out that I was basically unhappy for their sake during their upbringing.
- I find that there is very little reciprocity in the single world. I feel like both people in a relationship should be bringing equal value to the relationship, and I don't see that happening with women in my age group. I'm not saying that people need to be exactly the same, or even have similar interests, but should both bring things to the relationship that the other partner wants. I don't want this to come off as me being the "I have to be at the gym in 26 minutes" guy, but I'm reasonably intelligent, somewhat educated, fairly fit, and somewhere between handsome and chud on the attractiveness scale. I have a career and don't have money issues. I can't find a female that is three of the six things I just listed. And when I've lowered my standards, so to speak, I just end up resenting the girl later in the relationship.
- I came to a conclusion in the internal debate between loneliness and misery. I could either be happy most of the time while single and be occasionally lonely or I could be unhappy most of the time in a relationship and not be lonely. The occasional loneliness was easier to deal with. I can always have a fling if I really need the companionship, but it is very hard to find happy when I am in a bad relationship.
- My concept of time spent with my partner in a relationship is apparently much different than what most women I've dealt with seem to expect. My idea of time spent together is having dinner, hanging out for an hour or so and then meeting up to maybe have sex and then go to sleep during the week. On weekends, maybe we would do something fun together one day and spend the other doing our own thing. Maybe I attract co-dependent women, but whenever I'm in a relationship I feel like I get very little time for myself. My brain doesn't work without me time.
I hope I didn't come off as a giant prick when writing this. It wasn't my intention. I also hope it helps. If you have any questions about my perpetual single state, please ask.
Comment 3 : I love this:
Philip Larkin - This Be The Verse They fuck you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had And add some extra, just for you. But they were fucked up in their turn By fools in old-style hats and coats, Who half the time were soppy-stern And half at one another's throats. Man hands on misery to man. It deepens like a coastal shelf. Get out as early as you can, And don't have any kids yourself.
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